Chess Humor 101 (Moving the Pieces)
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clms_chess on Sun, 07/13/2008 at 7:58pm.
Chess Humor 101 (Moving the Pieces) Have you ever had somebody move their chess pieces in such away to completly get under you skin? ... Or maybe just annoy you a little? This will be the first installment of a series of short “serious” articles addressing the very interesting and diverse ways we, us chess players, “move” our chess pieces. Of course I’m not talking about how we move while playing on line (that silences about 90% of ya), nor an opening line, but rather how we pick up and physically move (sometime throw in anger) our pieces in real life play. After very careful and studious analysis, I have determined that there are many creative styles to getting your desired chess piece from one square to another. All of these methods, naturally, reflects personality… their personality and your personality.
Today’s installment of Chess Humor 101 (Moving the Pieces) has to do with the technique I call… The Suggestion. This unique style of getting one’s piece to its chosen destination is easily characterized by the use of the classic … nudge. If the piece needs to only move several squares, the nudge is used. That is, by using the first knuckle of any of the first three digits (never the pinky) of the hand, the piece is quickly pushed…pushed… pushed or, more accurately, nudged… nudged… nudged… little by little (usually two or three times, but sometimes more), until it, allllmost gets there… never in the center; always partially on the other square (come on, you have seen these people). Now if the piece needs to move further than just a few squares, and if in particularly, it’s the knight, “The Suggestor” will lightly pick it up, using the tip of the first finger and thumb and deftly almost “toss” it in the wanted square’s general direction, where by, the piece will invariably, be nudged the rest of the way, again, allllllmost getting there, and again, never in the center, but always partially on the other square. It actually has been observed to even ROLL in a semi-circular arc into position. Now this will be the last straw and absolutely drive some players… crazy. It gets worse. The Suggestor will NEVER adjust his/her pieces, but you will… all game looong. In fact, you will give up doing the “I adjust” long before the game enters the end game phase and, by then, you won’t even know exactly WHERE his/her pieces are. Now, if this is a kid (e.g. your 6 year old son), a stern look is all that is needed to quell such nonsense. But, if it is a respected high ranking opponent, lets say a GM or even one of your top club players, you can’t just tell them to knock off all the nudging…no! You can’t. To show respect you just have to grin and take it. You have been waiting weeks or longer to get a game with this person. It’s an honor to play him/her. You can’t just insult them and criticize the way they move their pieces. No! So… after the 20th nudged piece you just endure it!… with a show of respectful clenched teeth you endure it.
But what kind of a person uses “The Suggestion”. Not who you think. One might surmise that this player has conceived some sort of diabolical scheme to throw you off your game. No my friend. Far from the truth. This person actually is the kindest most gentle of all chess playing creatures. Most Suggestors don't even know he/she is driving you crazy. They are as much of a victim as you are. How? They suffer from a lethal dose of (whispers)….. politeness. They are polite. No… super polite. When they move, especially with one of their patented brilliant “shock” moves, they actually do not want to get you angry, dismayed, disturbed or “shocked”. Thus they… “suggest” the move… with a careful nudge. It is on a level of acceptability as a friend saying, “Hey, your haircut is “wack”…and you say what?...and they say, “Hey, I’m just say’n”. And you say, “Oh, right.. your just say’n”. The bottom line is this… these mostly talented people care enough about you (the inferior player) to move...... in such a way. They want to infer to you… that their move is not part of some incredible line of play when, in fact, you know that it is. But rather, by…”suggesting” their move, in their eyes they are softening the blow.
*** Stay tuned for the next article in this series: “The Knuckler”.*** By Steve Morgan (clms_chess)
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